Hi peeps, it's been a long time. I'm back again. With a whole new me. I'm sorry for not updating myself for a whole new year, it's not because i was busy, it's not because i don't have the time, it's because I was lazy. Yes i gotta admit that I was so lazy the past year until now, I'm still a lazy person. Being a lazy person is not a good thing yet not a something proud to say, and it's not helping to improve your life, not helping in everything, in fact, being a lazy person, I almost lost someone important in my whole life. Things got so worst, time past, things improve, people's changing, but lazy got me standing right where i am, never got improve never change. Until, where I realize it when I lost it. Thank you Justin, to motivates me to improve my life, me as a person.
I was so lazy when I was 15, I don't even care my exams which was so important that changed your career path whether you want to be involved in medication or in economics and accountancy. I don't even care this thing, I just want to sit back and relax enjoying, playing with my friends thinking it would not be important like people say it would be. So life proved me wrong, I got the worst results in my whole life (until I'm 15), I got none A's, all B's and 2 or 3 C's in my results. Whenever people were asking my results, I felt so shameful to even saying it towards them. That's when I was so determined to change myself. when I was 16 and 17, I did worked hard to get a good results, when my first exam I got myself first in the class, first in English, Account, Business, Science, Moral and etc. I got too proud of myself, thinking that I was too clever to compete with my classmates, so I didn't work as hard as I was in the first place. I started drop rapidly, whether on my exams or anywhere. My ego got me down, which I'm not supposed to where I was going to sit for my SPM.
Friends did influenced a lot for me, Cindy, she gave me home tutors specially for me to sit for my exams, and besides that, I really want to thank Justin, thank you so much. I think he did sacrificed the most because whenever I was so stressed out with my homework or assignments, he was there silently waiting for me to finish it so that we could spend some little time to chat, but I eventually yell and scold him EVERY SINGLE TIME, trust me it's almost every day, every single time. He never talk back, never yell back, miraculously, he stayed.
Time past, move forward, until now.
I still got that super lazy personality that holds me back, I'm going to be 20 soon, but I'm still not awake, I'm still in the comfort zone where people should fight for everything, their academic, career, bright future, better relationships. What am I doing? I stay home laying down getting a nap every day not doing a single thing. I'm the only one not moving forward, I'm the only keep on the same path. Who can I blame on? It's just me with my stupidity which holds me.
Yesterday, I fought with him. I'm still had that childish mind on me, I hold his freedom, I hold mine too. I'm the obstacle of him keeping improve, I'm the problem where our relationship crack. I lost the trust between us. That's my immaturity and my stupidity. He let go of me. This is the first time I feel my world collapse, I couldn't let go of him, I cried, I cried so hard to begged him to save our relationship, he said it's for the sake of us, he must let go. Yes, he was right, he's totally got the point. He knew what my weakness were, he's the only one who knew me so much. I refused, I refused to let go. Thank God, there's one last chance we got together.
What did I learnt as a lesson? I guess it's time to stop my stupidity, taste bitter before you want some sweetness in your life, life is always unfair, work hard before you complain how hard life is, because you're not working hard enough. For me, it's time to step out my comfort zone, it's time to grow up. I'm not a teenager anymore, I need to stop whining around, keep on complaint he don't have the time for me, when he really don't have the time. I need to be independence, stop to be a burden for anyone, stop being a useless girlfriend or a useless daughter nor friend. It's time to pursue what your dreams.
Michelle
