人生有几个十年

人生有几个十年



真可笑 我才迈入我的第二个十年，竟然发生比任何人多的喜怒哀乐事情，我失去一个很爱我的啊嫲，我失去了爸爸，我失去朋友，我比任何人都知道生与死的道理，也知道与最爱的人道别。小小年纪的我，不应该这么早就学习失去吧。爸爸今年的生日，也是今年离开的第十年，我翻开了相册寻找我们的全家福，却发现数十张百张里，就只有两三张。爸爸，今年我二十岁。迈入了人生的第二十年，才发现我没有梦想，我不知道我在做什么，我未来要做什么，更不知道我要什么。我一直告诉我自己我以后一定要成功，但是我不知道要怎样成功，凭什么来成功。我在过去读书的时候完全不认真，常常旷课，被老师面前大大侮辱我，爸爸你看见吗？一切我都受得了，对我来说不算什么，看来我情绪管理得真好。这次，看来我不行了，撑不下去了，看见家里这样子我真的很心痛，妈妈这样努力工作，我是不是应该出来了？服侍也累了，大学也知道进不了，读书也要流血流泪的吐出钱来，爸爸，回想来如果你有在不是很好吗？说实话，其实你知道自己当时活不了多久吧？你去世前竟然会送妈妈一大束花，蛋糕，让我们都惊吓。你也在去世前，第一次… 第一次骂了我说我不乖，你还记得吗？我记得很清楚，那是第一也是最后一次。想念你啊，天堂过得好吗？



爱你的女儿。

Future

What is your dream?

People often asking me this, what would you like to do in the future? What is your dream? Do you have any plans? What is your next step? What are you going to study soon?

I don't know, I don't have any plans, or dream, or anything. I don't even know what to do.

I love to play and have fun in the past, I don't even make up my mind after graduated. I just feel helpless

Plans? I don't even dare to plan anything, I just feel so frustrating and feeling so useless right now. What on earth am I doing right now?

I don't want to face anyone, I'm sorry but being alone is comfortable and scary at the same time, making me thinking all those terrified things I would never think of.

I don't know what is my next step is. I don't know which step should I step on. I don't know when should I start. I just feel wrong right now. Feel like wanting to end everything that is wrong. I don't know what I am saying but my feel so sick and awful. This is all wrong.

Life.

Michelle